I have a lot of friends sending their precious little ones off to kindergarten and first grade this year and it made me think about how close I am to losing my little man to the life of school: homework, bus routes, carpools, sports, new friends, and a whole new realm of parenting. As I thought more about sending my sweet little dude out into the world and losing so much precious time I get to spend with him I came to one conclusion: I don't want it to be over.
I dread the day. The day I send my heart, my first born out into the world without me. I dread the day I lose morning snuggles, breakfast in our pj's, lazy cartoon watching, no where to be, putting together his favorite dinosaur puzzle for the umpteenth time...I dread the day I lose my baby boy because a baby is exactly what he no longer is. Why didn't God give us a pause button? The time I have with my babies is slipping away from me faster than I want it to and all I can think is: I don't want it to be over.
I had a career before I became a mommy. I was a middle school teacher and trust me, I loved every minute of it. However, I never had any doubt in my mind that when the time came for Andy & I to start a family, that would be it for me in the career world (at least for a while). I knew I wanted to stay home and take care of our babies. I knew I would savior every minute I had with them, to watch them grow and learn. I knew the old saying "time flies" would be an understatement and that my babies would be grown up in the blink of an eye. Babies don't keep. I knew from the moment they were born I didn't want it to be over. The smell, the soft skin, the snuggles, the cries, the giggles, the feet (is there honestly anything cuter than baby feet?!), the newness of life.
The first thing I say to my children in the morning is, "I love you, I'm excited I get to spend the day with you" and the last thing I say to them at night is, "I love you, I'm happy I got to spend the day with you." So routine are these little sayings that the kids have started saying it to me before I can say it myself. And it's true, so very true. I cherish this time. I don't wish it away. I no longer "look forward" to the next milestone like it means something real is happening. Something real IS happening - life is happening. My children are smart, sweet, beautiful, handsome, silly, imaginative, funny, ornery, & difficult...they poop a lot, cry a lot, eat a lot...don't nap enough, talk back, and spend a decent amount of time in time out, but they are WONDERFUL and I wouldn't change anything about them. I want time to stand still, just for a little while. Thank you, Lord for this time I get to enjoy and cherish my children - I don't want it to be over.
